Monday, September 21, 2009

Guilt

Guilt is a funny emotion. It's range is as expansive as the heavens and it's source can be as varied as the shore. It is a good emotion. Guilt keeps us from doing stupid things, things that can hurt other people. Of course, if you're anything like me, guilt can come from nowhere for absolutely no reason... Or even very very bad reasons. What I don't know about guilt is how to get rid of it. I mean, if I hurt someone's feelings or step on the dog I know how to get rid of it: Fess up, be truly sorry, try to avoid those actions in the future. But what about the guilt that has no source, or worse, a source you can never EVER be sorry for. Such as, and I'm just throwing this out there, creating the life of a little boy you plan to love forever with every fiber of your being...? How is it even possible to feel guilty about carrying your child? I know (first hand) HOW it's possible, but why am I here? And that's the big question. Why am I here? My pregnancy would be inconsequential, completely neutral if I wasn't HERE. How many situations can YOU come up with where someone's pregnancy would actually inflict distress on another person? How is it that the best parts of my life make other people hide, find a new church, avoid common fellowship? Am I totally alone in this? Am I the only person in the world that can crush another person's spirit with my manifold blessings? I hate being an adult.

1 comment:

  1. What happened? You have to come to terms with your inability to control the relationship others have with God. If they can't be around you, they have issues they don't want to work on with God. They're running away. You shouldn't feel guilty about that... it's not your burden to carry. Just rejoice in the blessings you have, and pray that those who aren't being honest with themselves will have God revealed in other ways. :) I love you, AND your blessings!

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