Livin' on a Prayer

We're half way there!  The prayer we're living on is that everything stays just as healthy as it is now and that we can actually name this baby before he makes his debut!  I wouldn't be so concerned if it hadn't been so easy to pick out a girl's name!  This happened with the dog too.  We went to the breeders expecting to bring home a girl.  Shannon was her name, before we even met her.  We got there and this little boy just wouldn't let me leave without him!  We could have just named him Shannon, but that seemed cruel.  He was "Puppy" for the first two and a half weeks he was ours!  John would tell you that he was Little Trouper...  But that's just ridiculous!  Plus, it's too close to Li'l Brudder:

http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail109.html

Back to the baby.  I have gotten bigger.  I think I'll wait another week to show you just how big, but I feel like I'm wearing a shirt that's too small...  even when I'm not wearing a shirt!  And baby is moving around like crazy!  It takes him almost twenty minutes to get comfy at night when we lay down to go to bed!  We miss John like mad, but we do get to talk every day.  

So there's my crappy update!  My pensive powers are almost entirely taken up by paint colors and outdoor furniture!  I'll be better in the future, I promise!

How Bitter can Sweet be?

Monday was a big day.  Almost crushingly big.  John is gone now, although I did just get an email on our super secret spousal email!  He's all drugged up on Ambien...  Still Bitter and Sweet tend to cancel each other out, or make each other worse.  I haven't decided yet.  

John had to leave mere hours after finding out that his first child is a boy.  He was here, and that is outstanding.  But still, looking at that man as he rubbed my belly and thanked God for our SON...  I don't think my heart has ever broken so completely.  It's not going to get any better.  Watching him kiss his infant or his toddler goodbye is not something I'm prepared for.  Don't kid yourself, and please don't try to kid me.  It will happen.  But one thing I've learned in this strange little life God has given me is this:  He has given me the strength to handle what He gives me, no more....  And never anything less.  So once we get there, I will be fine, we will be fine.  Our little boy will know nothing different.  And he will be strong!  

The Sweet is almost too much for my unstable, hormonal heart to bear up under!  It is a boy, a he!  I can't honestly say, though, that I would have felt any less for a girl...  I think seeing his face again is the real thrill.  I've been getting to know him, but was unsure about the signals I was getting...  Yesterday just further established that this little man is the one I've known all these months.  He moves and responds exactly as I expect him to.  That doesn't mean he moves the way I WANT him to.  He moved his legs every time she tried to measure.  He wouldn't open his little fists so we could count his fingers.  We had to go to extreme measures to obtain his head circumference!  All along though, he was pushing his little face into my body, trying to hide himself in the safety of his mommy.  He has found the tiniest, tightest crevasse to wedge himself into, and while it makes me pee 12 (no kidding) times a day, as long as I know he feels safe I'm alright with it!  He has a strong heart, good bones, all his fingers (discovered after a bit of cajoling), and parents who love him very very much!  I think he's gonna make it!

This one is kind of fun.  I've never seen this vantage point before...  It is the crown of his head (to the left) and his five finger tips (middle)!  So, he's got his left hand across his face with his fingers up at his forehead!  He's such a funny baby!

No thoughts, just shots.

These are actually from the beginning of May...  It's just taken me a while to actually scan them so I could share them with everyone!  I'm pressed NOW because next Monday, the 6th, we'll be having our anatomy scan!  I'll have new pictures to compare with this set and...  Hopefully....  A sex to designate our little joy as a he or a she!  Here's the hitch:  If John is, in fact TDY (read: Temporary DutY) the little tell tale shot will go in an envelope (without having been seen by yours truly) to be opened upon his homecoming.  When I know, the world will know!  Until then, we must all be satisfied with these perfect little shots!

Baby seems to like his fingers! Look at those little tiny feet!! He seems quite cozy.  He kept his hands up the whole time but did kick his legs around a bit while we watched!

Belly Shots

Here are the belly shots we've got so far.  Look at how long my hair was in week 11!  I donated almost a whole foot a couple days later.  Hence the bob!

7 Weeks 11 Weeks 16 Weeks

P.S.  I know the signs aren't readable...  I've got brain fog, talk to the man!

16 Weeks

"You'll hit 12 weeks and feel so much better!"

"The second trimester is so much better than the first!"

"I never felt better than when I was pregnant!"

Lies!  All lies!  Once one thing clears up, something else goes horribly wrong.  The prescription that is keeping my food down makes me sleep 'til nine.  Though I'm not sleeping comfortably.  Besides the new pillow between my knees there's an extra one beneath my head to keep the mucus from pooling in my sinus cavity...  Although I still have a horrible sinus headache when I do finally get up.  That might be because of the coughing though.  The ALL night coughing that my husband is sweet enough to say doesn't wake him up!  It might sound much worse to me than it is though.  See, my left ear has been plugged since I got off the plane from Seattle, TWO AND A HALF WEEKS AGO!  Aside from the real ailments there are the relative: I can't take a flight of stairs without becoming winded, and there are two flights between my washer and our drawers; the only clothes that fit now are my (very small) collection of fat clothes; for some reason Jasmine Green tea doesn't taste good anymore; and, I know this doesn't sound so bad, but I've eaten the better part of a watermelon in two days.  Seriously, being pregnant has been the most frustrating, exhausting, libido killing part of my life.  

But

There is a baby.  A tiny little life that can still fit into the palm of my hand but has overtaken my heart.  When I look down at my swollen abdomen I do not despise the pudge, I adore it.  I look at the few pictures I have of that forming body and my life is good.  We are no longer a couple, we are a family.  We have a person to form, a soul to guide, a life to watch blossom in front of our eyes.  There is not yet a he or she assigned, air has not been gulped, and there is no love in those eyes for us, not yet.  But our lives are altered.  Our souls feel bigger.  Our bond is closer.  

We are parents!